


You will be okay

by Anonymous



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Crying, Grief/Mourning, M/M, a harsh slap of reality, everything will be okay, heeseung is spring okay, slowly moving on, sunghoon cant accept what happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:48:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27687149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: If Sunghoon was gunpowder then Heeseung was the water that kept him cakey and unthreatening. Take Heeseung from that equation and Sunghoon is just a ticking time-bomb that needs to be defused or subdued.
Relationships: Lee Heeseung & Park Sunghoon, Lee Heeseung/Park Sunghoon
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56
Collections: Anonymous





	You will be okay

**Author's Note:**

> this is pretty straightforward

If Sunghoon was gunpowder then Heeseung was the water that kept him cakey and unthreatening. Take Heeseung from that equation and Sunghoon is just a ticking time-bomb that needs to be defused or subdued.

He remembers coming home that night, kicking off his shoes. His back cracked as he stretched, too many hours standing and waiting on customers. He'd called out to Heeseung, who would usually meet him at the door. When he'd made his way into the living room area, he found Heeseung on the couch. He looked peaceful as he slept, it brought a smile to his face. Except as he grew nearer, he realized.... Heeseung wasn't breathing. He'd shook him, clung to him. Screamed and screamed his name until he was sure the neighbor's were calling the police over the noise. Nearly smashed his phone trying to call '911', but all was in vain. Heeseung was a cold corpse. He was gone.

In between all the blanks in his memory of those moments, he remembers the police who called Jay who then called Jake, and the cycle that continued until everyone had gathered inside Sunghoon and Heeseung's apartment.

Sunghoon remembers being wrapped up in Jungwon's arms, the comfort they offered before now felt detached and wrong. He wanted Heeseung.

It’s been two weeks since the funeral. Two weeks since they stuffed “Heeseung” in a box and buried him in the godforsaken earth. Heeseung always wanted to be the star of the show. His ashes were kept by his mother, whose weeping was the agony-filled and broken. That’s all Sunghoon can really remember from the funeral and the memorial.

Sunghoon hasn’t been home since Sunoo and Ni-ki found him wasted and belligerent, unable to form sentences but always repeating ‘Heeseung-hyung’, just like a prayer. He hadn’t put up much of a fight after he’d socked Ni-ki in the face, which allowed Sunoo to lead him downstairs and into the waiting car. Even though Ni-ki hadn’t blamed him and had already forgiven him, he was still regretful and sorry.

Sunghoon reaches the door, the door that had once been brought a sense of relief and happiness to soothe his mind now stood as a cold reminder, that he was alone. 437 with an eyehole and knocker right below. The once glittering numbers, seemed dull compared to the rich, chocolatey warmth that was Heeseung’s eyes. He briefly remembers all the times he’d had Heeseung pressed up against this very door, brown eyes twinkling with mischief as he gazed up at Sunghoon. He digs through his pockets for the key, he welcomes the brief coolness that comes with gripping the jangling mess. Heeseung had liked to collect keychains and had filled both Sunghoon’s and his own key rings with the oddest trinkets.

He looks up at the sound of a door opening and closing down the hall. The neighbor has collected their mail. She approaches Sunghoon solemnly, her hands outstretched filled with weeks of unopened mail from their mailbox in the lobby downstairs. “Thank you..” Sunghoon manages to sound sincere as he clutches the rubber-band wrapped pile. She nods to Sunghoon and his friends, “..I”m sorry for your loss. He was a nice kid.” She smiles sadly, but fondly.

His grip tightens on the pile, the faint sound of ripping can be heard. Sunoo is holding his breath, praying that Sunghoon doesn’t have an outburst. He just nods at her in acknowledgement, his bangs falling into his eyes. He’s grateful for them today. When she returns to her apartment just two doors down, Sunghoon really wishes she hadn’t said anything at all, as if he needed a reminder. But that’s just what people do.

He slides the key into the lock and unlocks the door, the tell-tale click signaling his entry. When he pushes the door open, the faint smell of home drifts into his nose. Or what he used to call home. Sunghoon is numb. He stands in the doorway of their shared apartment. Jungwon, Jake, Sunoo, and Ni-ki flagging his left and right sides. Jay had already barged his way inside, inside their life. Or what’s left of Sunghoon’s life anyway. If anyone has noticed the tremors running through his body or his unusual tenseness, they haven’t bothered to say anything.

If Sunghoon’s honest, he knows he looks like utter shit right now. His hair is a mess, dull and disheveled, his fingers have been pulling through it restlessly. His eyes are tired and red-rimmed from the endless of amount of tears. His clothes, an ocean surrounding a lonely rock. It’s as if he’s missing a limb, the sun, the moon, and the stars of his sky, the release of carbon dioxide without the promise of air.

Heeseung is gone. His lover is gone. His sun and his moon, the bubbly to his smooth. He’s gone. Perhaps the most upsetting thing is that there is no real reason as to why Heeseung is gone, he’s just gone. He can feel the gentle urging of Jay to his left, like mental probes pulling softly at Sunghoon’s mind. It’s Jay’s way of encouraging him forward. Patiently waiting for the moment he makes his move. They say the first step is the scariest, and Sunghoon thinks they’ve never been more right. When Sunghoon takes that first step into their apartment, it feels as if there’s a brick on his chest. Like the air has been forcibly knocked out of him.

The energy of the place is non-existent. It’s as if Heeseung is already a drifting memory to the indifferent walls of the apartment. Heeseung is everywhere Sunghoon’s eyes land on. Slumped over the round table in their tiny dining room, drool leaking onto sheets full of empty bars and fleeting scribbles. He can see where Heeseung is usually waiting up for him on the couch, swaddled in one of Sunghoon’s fluffy sweaters and his favorite pair of winnie the pooh pajama, the color sky blue one. He almost smiles at the memory of Heeseung taking one too many selfies, lying spread out on the couch, expression coy and teasing.

The one thing he tries not to think about is their bedroom, he knows he’ll eventually make it there, but he’d rather not think about all of the memories that room shares. They all know what they’re there for. Heeseung’s family had requested for his belongings. It felt like each step they took they sunk further into quicksand carrying the empty boxes up to the apartment. Sunghoon didn’t protest because it wasn’t his right. Heeseung’s things belonged with his family, not here to collect dust as Sunghoon stared at them. It was only right.

Sunoo hasn’t taken his glance off of Sunghoon since they began the walk up to the apartment. Nobody questioned why Sunghoon headed straight for the stairs instead of just taking the elevator. Jake is drifting his fingers across CD cases with ‘Lee Heeseung’ scribbled across them in sharpie. Sheet music decorates every available surface with composing books scattered here and there. It was Heeseung’s dream, past tense.

In the bathroom, Ni-ki has gathered Heeseung’s colored lenses and empty tubes of eyeliner, he debates whether to throw them away or put them in the box. There are tons of hair products divided into baskets and in the medicine cabinet. The expensive hair-dryer that Jay had thoughtfully saved up and purchased for Heeseung’s 21st birthday, even the hair straightener Sunoo had chipped in with Jungwon to buy.

Sunoo finds Jay in the bedroom, he’s boxing Heeseung’s clothes robotically. He finds drawers pulled open and emptied, Jay is quick but thorough. Although they try their best for Sunghoon, they’re equally as affected as he is. Heeseung was their friend, their brother. How could they not feel anything when the hyung of their group, Jay’s partner-in-crime, and bestfriend is no longer shining?

Sunoo doesn’t hear when Sunghoon enters into the dark bedroom, his breathing is as quiet as the place itself. They can faintly hear Heeseung’s composing books being dropped into boxes as well as the rustling of paper as Jake and Jungwon gather his things. The faint clacking of CD cases is audible even through the thicker walls. Sunghoon stops at the foot of the queen size bed, the wrought iron frame littered with tossed clothes, shoved blankets, and Heeseung’s teddies. Sunghoon can see the faintest imprint of Heeseung's body, the disturbance in the sheets from nights better left unmentioned. The slightest scent of his cologne clings to the 400 thread count sheets. It’s barren and uninviting without Heeseung spread across it, sweater hanging off one shoulder and cheeks dusted pink.

Sunoo and Jay watch him closely. Where they could previously read Sunghoon, they can no long predict what he might do, how he may react. He just stands there, staring. The tension is gone from his muscles, to them he just looks like a weary, lost kid. They don’t know what’s more devastating, this image of him or the moment he figured out Heeseung was gone.

Just as swift as he entered, Sunghoon is gone and they don’t try to follow. He needs his space.

Sunghoon, for the moment, has disappeared. Sunghoon looks out at the city that they’d begun to love together. The same city that had ending everything at the beginning. A page unfinished. For a brief few minutes Sunghoon feels like he could scream himself hoarse. That pressure building up inside of him might release if he just let go.

His fingers clench the railing, the gritty surface digging into his palms. It’s grounding. He doesn’t even notice the wet trails dripping down his cheeks. His cheeks are numb and his fingers are close to it. He sniffs, his nose is running. He’s tempted to wipe it with the sleeve of his sweater. The chilling air makes his feel less like he’s falling apart and more like the glue that’s holding him together is just a little loose.

He tries to breath through the hiccupy sobs. If he looked like shit before, he’s positively wrecked now.

When they all meet back together, arms filled with a box or two, they find him on the balcony. Standing there with the door wide open, it’s freezing cold outside. As it has been ever since Heeseung died.

Jay drags him inside, the door slamming hard enough to rattle the glass in its frame, “Are you an idiot? What were you doing out there? It’s 20 degrees out Sunghoon, and you haven’t got a fucking coat on! Do you have a death wish?!”

Jungwon’s hand is suddenly on Jay’s shoulder, which he gives a squeeze. It’s a warning, they all understand his frustration but now is not the time to vent to the most vulnerable person in the vicinity.

Jay reins it back in when he notices the crocodile tears flowing steadily down Sunghoon’s frozen cheeks, his nose is pink and running. Jake doesn’t think he’s ever seen Sunghoon look so utterly defeated, in all of the time he’s known him.

The emotions are like being lost at sea, shoving Sunghoon along with their treacherous waves and chilling winds. Sunghoon is adrift in a storm, with no hope in sight. Jay doesn’t make a sound, just pulls his bestfriend against his chest. That’s when he remembers, Sunghoon is just a human with emotions, and so was Heeseung. They can all hear the painfully, heartbroken sobs forcing their way out past the heavy lump in Sunghoon’s throat.

The way Jay tightens his arms around Sunghoon, he isn’t worried about breaking him because he’s already breaking and all they can do is try to patch him back together. He presses a kiss into the crown of Sunghoon’s head before resting his chin there.

Sunghoon clings to him, to them. To the only people he has left. To the only people who understand. And when he’s done, he’d admit that although it still hurts more than anything he’s ever felt, it’s a little more bearable with them here.

As the days pass by, Sunghoon starts seeing more. Where life had been blurs passing by without Heeseung by his side, he started seeing what Heeseung used to see. At night when the pain is indescribable, he lays awake staring at the ceiling of Jake's spare bedroom. He can hear Jake playing the violin in the next room over and it reminds him of how Heeseung stayed awake days on end writing a piece. He's lulled to sleep by the sweet sound.

He spends his days finishing his Intro to Business course at the local college. He meets Jungwon and Jay for lunch, sipping down his iced coffee. The sweet taste of it reminds him of kissing Heeseung.

Ni-ki and Sunoo take him shopping for a new wardrobe as the winter becomes harsh. He passes by all the things Heeseung would've want, but couldn't afford. The things he would've worked himself to death to by before. Sunoo and Ni-ki purchase him an expensive new coat, not once does Ni-ki complain.

The months fly by and before Sunghoon realises, Spring has come. Heeseung enjoyed spring the most. The fresh trees and waking bees. The sunshine and the rain. Sunghoon eyes the green grass with a fond gaze. Heeseung isn't dead, he's growing all around him.

When they all go for a picnic at the park outside of Sunghoon's apartment, Sunghoon finds himself smiling, and smiling and smiling as he bathes in the sunlight shining through the clouds. This warmth, it's a warmth he'll never forget.

Lee Heeseung.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it, as always, leave any tips, constructive criticism, kudos if you like. Thank you as always!


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